How to Survive 2012

So how are we going to survive 2012? Like that hell we endured during the year 2000 planetary meltdown, the predictions will likely be pretty accurate. The Y2K disaster – if you’ll recall – led to:

  1. Extinction of the human race
  2. Financial meltdown
  3. Inability to buy food
  4. Martial law
  5. Complete collapse

And then there was all that apocalyptic madness:

  1. The second coming of Jesus Christ
  2. Armageddon
  3. The Antichrist
  4. The Tribulation
  5. The Rapture

I still tremble in my boots as I look back at Midnight December 31, 1999, the moment life changed forever. And now this. Now we have to endure the pain and suffering and misery and despair all over again. This time the Mayan’s predicted it AND there’s been a movie. Dear Lord, those are bad omens! Just look at what we can expect this time:

  1. Aliens from outer space
  2. Armageddon (again!)
  3. The Earth will be blown up by a mad scientist
  4. The Mayan calendar will end and like, wow, that’s bad!
  5. Disease
  6. Solar flares
  7. Biological warfare
  8. A giant meteor or asteroid will hit us
  9. Planet X will do something or other
  10. And more

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that I’m overreacting but dude, you gotta think about this stuff. I mean, on December 21, it’s all going to come crashing down on us like it did that last time and you’re going to be thankful I thought to ask how we can survive 2012. Come December 22, we’ll be wiping our brows, licking our wounds, and trying to rebuild just like we did that fateful day on January 1, 2000. If you’re anything like me friend, you’ll be preparing with stuff like a:

  1. Fixed Blade Knife
  2. First Aid Kit
  3. Survival Tin
  4. Multi-Purpose Tool
  5. Crank Emergency Radio (you know, the kind you power by turning a crank round and round?)

Don’t be unprepared! In a post-apocalyptic world, things like a multi-purpose tool and a crank radio are going to save your butt! When that asteroid hits and the diseases come and the mad scientist blows up the planet, do you want to be caught without a multi-purpose tool or a crank radio? Do you? I thought not.

You can thank me later.


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